Do Your Perceptions affect Beliefs which affect Actions? Or is it the Other Way Around?

It is so easy for us to understand how our Perceptions influence our Beliefs, our Beliefs shape our Actions, and our Actions affect our environment and thereby what we Perceive.  This cycle is so culturally ingrained, that we find it embedded in our language.  Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase made famous by Napoleon Hill that “What a man can Believe, he can Achieve.”  And we are all familiar with the term, “seeing is believing.”  Many clinical psychologists are familiar with the downward Spiral that results from the various forms of Depression.  Perhaps you have even noticed something similar.  But it is important to note that many of the world’s most successful people use this cycle to create truly amazing lives for themselves.

What is less well-known is that the Perception-Belief-Action cycle flows the other direction as well.  That’s right.  Our Beliefs also affect our Perceptions; our Perceptions influence our actions; and our Actions reinforce our Beliefs.  Let’s look at this direction of the cycle in closer detail.

Let’s begin by investigating how our Beliefs affect our Perceptions.  Have you ever witnessed two people watching a political speech, or a news program and come away with two completely different takes.  I have seen this happen so dramatically, that the two people actually “heard” different things.  Surely, there was only one broadcast, so how is this possible?  Simply put, while we may experience a shared event, our Belief Structures serve as filters, causing us to emphasize some details while ignoring, or at least discounting others.  And since we all have a unique combination of beliefs, it is likely that we will have a unique Perception of any given event.  The critical point is that our Beliefs serve as filters, impacting our perceptions.

The next leg of the cycle is how our Perceptions affect our Actions.  While it’s true that our Perceptions affect our Actions only inasmuch as what our Belief Structures say about our observations, we must recognize that many of those Beliefs are held at a very subconscious level.  The more subconscious the Belief is held, the more unconscious the Action becomes.  Indeed, the deeper or more subconscious the Belief is, the shorter time occurs between Perception and Action.  And in most cases the Belief is held buried sufficiently to allow for instantaneous reaction to an observation.  Reflexes serve as a good example.  In these instances, we no longer need to take into account the Belief- we can simply address the Perception to Action link.  Let’s look at an example.  If you were standing on the side of a road, and a car flipped over and started tumbling towards you, you would instinctually run away.  You would not stand there analyzing your beliefs about the possible impact of being struck by a half –ton vehicle.  You would move directly from the Perception to Action.  In training new behavior, we can do the same thing, often times circumventing or ignoring altogether a client’s Belief Structure.

Now Let’s look at Actions shaping our Beliefs. I want to use an example that is familiar among addiction specialists.  We notice that as a drug user continues to abuse drugs, he begins to adopt a belief that his misuse of drugs is inevitable.  It is important to note that it is not the Perception of the drug use that generates this belief, because the Perception is being altered by the drug use.  Rather it is the Action of abusing the drug, or the recollection of the drug experience (and thinking is an Active process) that shapes the Belief of the inevitability of addictive behavior.  This phenomenon is not isolated to drug and alcohol use.  Most of our frequently repeated actions directly influence what we believe about ourselves and others.  “I help others, therefore I am generous.”  “I am smart because I read nightly.”  “I smile to others, therefore I am friendly and outgoing.”  These are all examples of Actions affecting our Beliefs irrespective of the Perception of the generating Action.

Most therapist and councilors focus on the PerceptionàBeliefàAction Cycle as occurring in that order only, and this has dramatic influence over what kinds of therapeutic approaches they take in helping their clients make breakthroughs.  However, once we recognize that the cycle flows the other direction as well (BeliefsàPerceptionsàActionsàBeliefs) we can be open to a whole new line of approaches for facilitating life-changing results.

Celebrate our Veterans by offering them your support!

During this Memorial Day Holiday, it is important that we, as a culture, show appreciation towards our military veterans and active duty service men and women.  But it is even more important that each of us take personal responsibility for the veterans in our lives.  One of the most common fears of returning veterans is that of losing their loved ones respect and affection as a result of their wartime experiences.  So if you have a veteran in your life, take this opportunity to tell them that you love them unconditionally. 

If you or anyone you know who served during wartime is experiencing any of the following symptoms, have them seek counseling immediately:

·      Talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself

·      Trying to get pills, guns, or other ways to harm oneself

·      Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide

·      Hopelessness

·      Rage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revenge

·      Acting in a reckless or risky way

·      Feeling trapped, like there is no way out

·      Saying or feeling there's no reason for living.

For immediate suicide prevention help, call

1-800-273-TALK, Veterans Press 1

For those seeking more information regarding suicide help, counseling, or other services offered by the Veterans Affairs you may visit the following website:

http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/index.asp

After extensive research on the effects of wartime service on the mental health and well-being of our veterans, Mindful Measures is developing a program specifically to help veterans reaclimate to civilian living.  In the meantime, veterans will find the following programs useful:

Live in Joy

Cultivate Deeper Relationships

Reduce Stress

While these programs are great for creating quick shifts in clients perspectives and habits, they are not meant as a substitute for immediate suicide prevention.  If you or someone you love is experiencing suicidal urges, please seek immediate professional suicide prevention counseling!

Are You Being Secretly Controlled?

When most people refer to subliminal messaging, they are usually referring to written statements flashed on a screen for fractions of second, during a commercial or propaganda piece.  This technique was used by the Nazis during World War II.  It was also popular in American advertising during the 50’s and 60’s. The effectiveness of this particular form of subliminal messaging is questionable. Research has shown varying results, and no firm conclusion can be made regarding the efficacy of this technique.

The term  "subliminal" refers to a stimulus that occurs below the conscious surface of the mind. Hence it is not restricted to written statements flashed on a screen. It also includes auditory statements delivered at decibel levels below conscious hearing.  Similar to flashes of visual stimulus, this form of subliminal messaging is also questionable in regards to its efficacy.

There is another form of subliminal messaging which is proving to be quite effective. It is currently being used by psychologists, Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioners, and salespeople all over the world. While other forms of auditory subliminal messaging are required to be delivered below the volume of conscious hearing, this version is performed at blatantly audible levels. There are various techniques involved in this form of subliminal messaging. For an in depth study, please refer to the book, Guide to Trance-formation by Richard Bandler. The technique that I have found most useful when reprogramming Self-Talk is the use of an embedded commands.

Embedded commands are individual instructions contained within a larger sentence or phrase. If constructed properly they would stand on their own as a sentence. When delivered properly they speak directly to the subconscious mind while the larger phrase addresses the conscious mind.  When used while programming new Self-Talk, embedded commands are highly effective at creating new perspectives, thought patterns, and habits. For more information on how to create, use, and improve your embedded commands, please check back for future posts.

Simple Mind Trick for Lent

While it is traditionally a Catholic observance, the participation in the observance of Lent is beginning to expand beyond the Catholic sect. The transcendence of the Lent practices from Catholicism into the mainstream culture, suggests that there may be real benefits to sacrifice. In an effort to avoid stirring up any religious controversy, I will avoid addressing the theological reasons for Lent. Fortunately there are several mundane benefits to giving-up habits that we enjoy.

Some things that we enjoy are unhealthy and carry with them negative side-effects.  It is obvious why those habits should be avoided. Some habits may be neither healthy nor unhealthy. We may even receive benefits  from temporarily abstaining from those habits. Proactively changing your habits builds confidence. It gives one a sense of power and control. It also builds skills that can be used to change unhealthy habits. If nothing else it teaches us to be mindful.

Many of us become attached to the joy that we receive when we indulge in some behavior. It may be the pleasure of our favorite chocolate bar. It may be the relief we receive from smoking. It may be the attention we get when we dress a certain way. Each of these examples-in fact any example you could come up with-carries with it some psychologically gratifying experience. Once we recognize the experience that we're seeking, then the act of sacrifice becomes much simpler. The trick of Lent becomes one of substitution rather than abstinence.

It is much easier for the brain to engage in a new behavior than it is to simply avoid an unwanted behavior. If we look at the benefits we receive from the unwanted behavior, we can seek out new behaviors that will also deliver that same benefit. By engaging in the new behavior we can circumvent our need to engage in the unwanted behavior. This is a technique that is becoming increasingly utilized by psychologist and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioners. It is also the reason why Mindful Measures programs focus on developing new healthy habits for its clients. So, this year for Lent, choose a difficult habit to avoid, and substitute it with a healthy alternative. I would love to hear about your success.

Valentine's Day Attitude of Gratitude

We all want to find that perfect Valentine's gift.  We hope to convey those inexpressible feelings that we have.  This time of year, we are lead to believe that if we fail to do so, we will be inadequate.  Somehow that means out relationship is doomed to failure.

 According to the Forest Institute of professional psychology, the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%. The divorce rate is even higher for second in third marriages; being 67% and 74% respectively. There are several possible conclusions we can draw from this. The first of which is that only half of marriages are bound by a firm commitment. Or perhaps the successful partnerships were clearer on what they needed from a spouse prior to getting married (see my previous blog, "First Find Love Within Yourself”). I prefer to believe however, that most unsuccessful marriages fail due to a lack of relational skills - the divorce rates for second and third marriages bear this out. So then, what skills are necessary to nourish a healthy relationship?

Perhaps the most important skill for people to have any successful partnership is empathy-the ability to see oneself in others. Empathy is at the heart of tolerance and forgiveness. It is also at the heart of appreciation; as it is the Valentine’s season it is this virtue that I wish to emphasize.

Over the past several decades Valentine's Day has become increasingly commercialized. It seems as though, as each year passes, we are led to believe that our appreciation for our loved ones can only be demonstrated by the purchase of seasonal consumables. We are bombarded by the message that, "your affection can only be expressed through giving your loved-one our extravagant box of chocolates, $100 bouquet, or diamond ring." But do these purchases really show our love, or do they merely demonstrate our propensity to spend? Some might argue that the poor man who picks up a second job in order to afford to take his wife out to dinner demonstrates a higher level of love than the rich man who blindly charges a diamond necklace to his debit card. To me this poor man demonstrates a deeper level of appreciation, because he is sacrificing more of himself in order to create and share an emotionally impactful experience. It is very likely that he is given more thought to what his partner would appreciate. By emphasizing the wants and needs of his wife, the poor man has related to her on a much deeper level.

Surely appreciation entails more than the giving of material objects. Indeed, the giving of gifts without the sense of appreciation behind them, seems hollow and manipulative. And if your appreciation is genuine, then no gift is necessary. When we cultivate gratitude towards others within our heart, it beams outwards. It reflects in our facial expressions and body language. It shines through our actions. It fills our words with genuine emotion.

How then can we cultivate an attitude of gratitude? By actively recognizing the positive traits of others, by praising others for their actions, and by openly demonstrating our love we cultivate a deeper appreciation within ourselves. Allow yourself to "gush" with emotion when you think about your loved ones. Feel love through your whole body and let it exude from you. Do this as many times as the day will allow. You will soon feel a deeper appreciation of your loved one-perhaps more importantly, so will your loved one.

And now that you have a deeper appreciation, you will be in a better place to anticipate your lover's needs and wants. Instead of merely giving your special-someone a meaningless gift, you can create a shared experience that will be as unique, and special, as the one you love.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

First find Love Within Yourself

We often romanticize this time of year with notions of "True Love."  We hold some fantasy in our mind that our soulmate is "out there" somewhere.  Some of us have been fortunate enough to find our soul mates.  To that lucky portion of society, nothing needs to be taught, save that we should aspire to let that person know how deeply you care for them.  But for those of you who will be out looking for that special someone to share this Valentine's Day with, I offer these humble words of advice.

First, we must be able to love ourselves, before we can love another.  Consider "Self-Love" as the training course to finding a soulmate.  Until we can love ourselves, it will be difficult for us to allow others to love us.  Have you ever been in a relationship with a wonderful person and found yourself sabotaging it.  Somewhere in your being, you had difficulty allowing yourself to be rewarded with the love of another.  We must find the means to accept ourselves for who we are, even with our imperfections.  And perhaps we should realize that our soulmate will not be perfect neither, so we needn't be either.  Which brings me to the next point.

Do not expect your soulmate to be perfect.  Very few of us are secure enough to connect intimately with an Ascended Master.  Besides, they rarely have a desire for romantic relations anyhow.  We know that being flawed is part of human existence.  The trick is to be honest with yourself regarding which kinds of flaws you are willing to live with, and which flaws are a deal breaker.  Also keep in mind that each flaw may have different degrees, some you may tolerate while others you may not.  For instance, we all enjoy a good looking partner who has confidence in his/her appearance.  But do we really want someone who is so obsessed with the way that they look, that they spend 3 hours every day preening?  Perhaps that would not bother you, as long as they refrain from insisting that you do the same.  I am not saying that either of those attributes are flaws, but others may think so.  Whatever you levels of tolerance are, be honest with yourself.  Otherwise you are only going to be setting yourself into relationships which will eventually fall apart.

We should also be aware that many of the "positive" traits that we look for in people quite often carry with them a corresponding "less-desirable" trait.  I can't tell you how many women I have counseled that claim to want a man with a strong build.  Then they complain because he spends so much time in the gym, or he is constantly staring at himself in the mirror while flexing.  Or how many men tell me they want a women who is beautiful, yet they are annoyed at the time she spends getting ready in the morning and then they get insanely jealous whenever other guys look at her.  Very often these traits that we are looking for in our mates are a reflection of some need that we cloak deep within ourselves.  If we can get to the root of that need, sometimes we can alter our desire to find that in a mate.  We are then free to avoid any of the "less-desirable" consequences.

The Law of Attraction tells us that we should focus on what we want.  Send that intention out, and it will return with our desire.  That is indeed a good start.  But many of us need to train our minds to only focus on what we DO want.  And we all need to develop the habit of taking action to bring it to pass.  So this Valentine's Day, determine what it is that is TRULY important.  Seek it out.  Then allow it to happen.

Quit thinking of elephants

Have you ever been told, "Don't think of an elephant?" What happens...well we fixate our thoughts on elephants. Of course we have all struggled with this child's game. My introduction to it was quite infuriating actually. I remember that my friend was trying to convince me that he could control my mind. With a few simple words, he crushed my world. He challenged me to avoid doing what he told me to do, and then he gave me the command....

"Think of an elephant."

Immediately a picture of a large elephant, the kind we would see in the circus, popped into my head. I remember my Self-Talk countering with, "No, don't think of an elephant." But no matter how many times I told myself, and no matter how much conviction I put behind my Self-Talk, whenever I thought the words, "Don't think of an elephant," that circus star always filled my mind.

I was furious at my weakness. How could I let someone else (another child nonetheless) control my mind so easily. So I went home, and like most children, I sought the aid of my father. After telling him about the disempowering events of the day, he gave me a warm, compassionate smile and told me:

"Think of a mouse instead."

Flash! Bang! Pop! All of a sudden the image of an elephant had been chased away by this tiny little field mouse. And from that moment on, the boy from down the street would have no control over my mind (at least not so directly).

How often do we fixate on the things we are trying to avoid? As I work with clients on achievement, it never ceases to amaze me how prevalent this is.

• I want to quit smoking.
• I don't want to eat sugary foods.
• I want to avoid drinking alcohol.

Unfortunately, when we trying to think of the things we are trying to avoid, our mind has to first think of engaging in the item. Neurological studies have shown that the brain has to activate the behavior in order to try to negate it. Unfortunately, each activation is reinforcing the negative behavior! Instead we should try to find constructive, healthy alternatives to the behavior that we are trying to avoid, and focus on that as a means of achieving the emotional fulfillment that the negative behavior was trying to satiate. Using the previous statements as examples, they could be reworded as these goals:

• I breathe only clean air deeply and calmingly into my lungs.
• I eat only healthy foods which nourish my body.
• I drink warm cups of tea in order to relax at the end of the day.

Of course if the emotional reasons for using the destructive substances was different, we could also write the affirmations differently to address those core needs. The point is we need to give our mind and activity it can engage in.

It is just like having a young child who wants to play with a forbidden object. When we take the object away from the child and tell him that he cannot play with it. What is the first thing that he does? He tries to get it and play with it again. No matter how many times we tell the child, "Do not play with that!" we are indeed commanding his mind to play with it. If we however give the child another object which he can play with, and give him permission to "Play with this." then his mind will switch over to the new object, and the struggle is over.

So, the next time you find yourself fixating on an unwanted behavior, just remember the solution is to:

Think of a mouse!