I was at a restaurant the other day with a business connection of mine. At the table next to us was a smoking hot woman with the most unassuming man you could imagine. Their PDA intimated that they were romantically involved, and not in a monetary sort of way. They seemed to be genuinely and deeply connected to each other. Upon seeing their intimacy, my colleague said “What’s wrong with her? She could do WAY better than that guy.”
Now I had to be very conscious about my reaction. I understood the insinuations of his statement. It was implied that physical beauty would only be happy with other physically beautify people; that an average-looking guy lacked the credentials to be with a beautiful woman; that my colleague was better looking than him, so he was more qualified to be with that woman; and hey, where was the beautiful woman that he deserved. If only they weren’t taken by guys like that.
But here’s the rub: they were genuinely happy with their relationship, while my colleague was not. For whatever reason, they had allowed themselves to discover what was TRULY important in a relationship, and they went out and found someone they could build it with. My colleague on the other hand, continued to look at superficial means to find a deep level of happiness. That’s insane! But yet it happens all of the time.
We all know people who are single, yet yearn to have a romantic partner. Whenever we try to set them up, inevitably they want to know what the other person looks like. As if how tall someone is has any bearing on whether or not they will do the dishes. As if their athletic prowess will contribute to their willingness to comfort their lover through their fears. As if their chosen brand of clothing will support their lover’s difficult life choices. And yet these are often the most significant factors as to whether the relationship will last beyond a first date.
Sure it’s trendy to state that appearances aren’t important when choosing a mate. Yet when pressed, most people claim a need to be physically attracted in order to be romantically involved. But how do we determine what we are physically attracted to?
We all have a type. One that is both socially defined, and yet also based on our personal experiences. Sometimes our type is influenced by our parents or other members of our family. Sometimes it is a result of our image of ourselves. But here’s the most interesting thing that has been discovered about sexual satisfaction:
The most influential organ for sexual satisfaction is our BRAIN!
Research has uncovered that most people fantasize during sex. And activity has as much to do with that fantasy as any visual stimulus. So if we are in our head (so to speak) during sex anyways, why not share those moments with someone whom you can actually enjoy being with when you are not engaging in sexual activities. You just might find that you can connect with them in ways that you have been previously unable to with your other romantic partners. Then watch and discover how intimately you can connect with them during sex.
I am not suggesting that you go find the most unattractive person you can and have sex with them. (Although if you do, please tell them that it was my idea and send them to my blog-I am sure they will want to thank me.) What I am saying, is first figure out what kind of partner you would need in order to have a truly meaningful relationship. Put physical appearance aside and just look at their personal characteristics. Once you find them, begin to nurture an open and honest relationship with that person. You may be delighted in the romance that buds.