Simple Mind Trick for Lent

While it is traditionally a Catholic observance, the participation in the observance of Lent is beginning to expand beyond the Catholic sect. The transcendence of the Lent practices from Catholicism into the mainstream culture, suggests that there may be real benefits to sacrifice. In an effort to avoid stirring up any religious controversy, I will avoid addressing the theological reasons for Lent. Fortunately there are several mundane benefits to giving-up habits that we enjoy.

Some things that we enjoy are unhealthy and carry with them negative side-effects.  It is obvious why those habits should be avoided. Some habits may be neither healthy nor unhealthy. We may even receive benefits  from temporarily abstaining from those habits. Proactively changing your habits builds confidence. It gives one a sense of power and control. It also builds skills that can be used to change unhealthy habits. If nothing else it teaches us to be mindful.

Many of us become attached to the joy that we receive when we indulge in some behavior. It may be the pleasure of our favorite chocolate bar. It may be the relief we receive from smoking. It may be the attention we get when we dress a certain way. Each of these examples-in fact any example you could come up with-carries with it some psychologically gratifying experience. Once we recognize the experience that we're seeking, then the act of sacrifice becomes much simpler. The trick of Lent becomes one of substitution rather than abstinence.

It is much easier for the brain to engage in a new behavior than it is to simply avoid an unwanted behavior. If we look at the benefits we receive from the unwanted behavior, we can seek out new behaviors that will also deliver that same benefit. By engaging in the new behavior we can circumvent our need to engage in the unwanted behavior. This is a technique that is becoming increasingly utilized by psychologist and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioners. It is also the reason why Mindful Measures programs focus on developing new healthy habits for its clients. So, this year for Lent, choose a difficult habit to avoid, and substitute it with a healthy alternative. I would love to hear about your success.

Valentine's Day Attitude of Gratitude

We all want to find that perfect Valentine's gift.  We hope to convey those inexpressible feelings that we have.  This time of year, we are lead to believe that if we fail to do so, we will be inadequate.  Somehow that means out relationship is doomed to failure.

 According to the Forest Institute of professional psychology, the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%. The divorce rate is even higher for second in third marriages; being 67% and 74% respectively. There are several possible conclusions we can draw from this. The first of which is that only half of marriages are bound by a firm commitment. Or perhaps the successful partnerships were clearer on what they needed from a spouse prior to getting married (see my previous blog, "First Find Love Within Yourself”). I prefer to believe however, that most unsuccessful marriages fail due to a lack of relational skills - the divorce rates for second and third marriages bear this out. So then, what skills are necessary to nourish a healthy relationship?

Perhaps the most important skill for people to have any successful partnership is empathy-the ability to see oneself in others. Empathy is at the heart of tolerance and forgiveness. It is also at the heart of appreciation; as it is the Valentine’s season it is this virtue that I wish to emphasize.

Over the past several decades Valentine's Day has become increasingly commercialized. It seems as though, as each year passes, we are led to believe that our appreciation for our loved ones can only be demonstrated by the purchase of seasonal consumables. We are bombarded by the message that, "your affection can only be expressed through giving your loved-one our extravagant box of chocolates, $100 bouquet, or diamond ring." But do these purchases really show our love, or do they merely demonstrate our propensity to spend? Some might argue that the poor man who picks up a second job in order to afford to take his wife out to dinner demonstrates a higher level of love than the rich man who blindly charges a diamond necklace to his debit card. To me this poor man demonstrates a deeper level of appreciation, because he is sacrificing more of himself in order to create and share an emotionally impactful experience. It is very likely that he is given more thought to what his partner would appreciate. By emphasizing the wants and needs of his wife, the poor man has related to her on a much deeper level.

Surely appreciation entails more than the giving of material objects. Indeed, the giving of gifts without the sense of appreciation behind them, seems hollow and manipulative. And if your appreciation is genuine, then no gift is necessary. When we cultivate gratitude towards others within our heart, it beams outwards. It reflects in our facial expressions and body language. It shines through our actions. It fills our words with genuine emotion.

How then can we cultivate an attitude of gratitude? By actively recognizing the positive traits of others, by praising others for their actions, and by openly demonstrating our love we cultivate a deeper appreciation within ourselves. Allow yourself to "gush" with emotion when you think about your loved ones. Feel love through your whole body and let it exude from you. Do this as many times as the day will allow. You will soon feel a deeper appreciation of your loved one-perhaps more importantly, so will your loved one.

And now that you have a deeper appreciation, you will be in a better place to anticipate your lover's needs and wants. Instead of merely giving your special-someone a meaningless gift, you can create a shared experience that will be as unique, and special, as the one you love.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

First find Love Within Yourself

We often romanticize this time of year with notions of "True Love."  We hold some fantasy in our mind that our soulmate is "out there" somewhere.  Some of us have been fortunate enough to find our soul mates.  To that lucky portion of society, nothing needs to be taught, save that we should aspire to let that person know how deeply you care for them.  But for those of you who will be out looking for that special someone to share this Valentine's Day with, I offer these humble words of advice.

First, we must be able to love ourselves, before we can love another.  Consider "Self-Love" as the training course to finding a soulmate.  Until we can love ourselves, it will be difficult for us to allow others to love us.  Have you ever been in a relationship with a wonderful person and found yourself sabotaging it.  Somewhere in your being, you had difficulty allowing yourself to be rewarded with the love of another.  We must find the means to accept ourselves for who we are, even with our imperfections.  And perhaps we should realize that our soulmate will not be perfect neither, so we needn't be either.  Which brings me to the next point.

Do not expect your soulmate to be perfect.  Very few of us are secure enough to connect intimately with an Ascended Master.  Besides, they rarely have a desire for romantic relations anyhow.  We know that being flawed is part of human existence.  The trick is to be honest with yourself regarding which kinds of flaws you are willing to live with, and which flaws are a deal breaker.  Also keep in mind that each flaw may have different degrees, some you may tolerate while others you may not.  For instance, we all enjoy a good looking partner who has confidence in his/her appearance.  But do we really want someone who is so obsessed with the way that they look, that they spend 3 hours every day preening?  Perhaps that would not bother you, as long as they refrain from insisting that you do the same.  I am not saying that either of those attributes are flaws, but others may think so.  Whatever you levels of tolerance are, be honest with yourself.  Otherwise you are only going to be setting yourself into relationships which will eventually fall apart.

We should also be aware that many of the "positive" traits that we look for in people quite often carry with them a corresponding "less-desirable" trait.  I can't tell you how many women I have counseled that claim to want a man with a strong build.  Then they complain because he spends so much time in the gym, or he is constantly staring at himself in the mirror while flexing.  Or how many men tell me they want a women who is beautiful, yet they are annoyed at the time she spends getting ready in the morning and then they get insanely jealous whenever other guys look at her.  Very often these traits that we are looking for in our mates are a reflection of some need that we cloak deep within ourselves.  If we can get to the root of that need, sometimes we can alter our desire to find that in a mate.  We are then free to avoid any of the "less-desirable" consequences.

The Law of Attraction tells us that we should focus on what we want.  Send that intention out, and it will return with our desire.  That is indeed a good start.  But many of us need to train our minds to only focus on what we DO want.  And we all need to develop the habit of taking action to bring it to pass.  So this Valentine's Day, determine what it is that is TRULY important.  Seek it out.  Then allow it to happen.

Quit thinking of elephants

Have you ever been told, "Don't think of an elephant?" What happens...well we fixate our thoughts on elephants. Of course we have all struggled with this child's game. My introduction to it was quite infuriating actually. I remember that my friend was trying to convince me that he could control my mind. With a few simple words, he crushed my world. He challenged me to avoid doing what he told me to do, and then he gave me the command....

"Think of an elephant."

Immediately a picture of a large elephant, the kind we would see in the circus, popped into my head. I remember my Self-Talk countering with, "No, don't think of an elephant." But no matter how many times I told myself, and no matter how much conviction I put behind my Self-Talk, whenever I thought the words, "Don't think of an elephant," that circus star always filled my mind.

I was furious at my weakness. How could I let someone else (another child nonetheless) control my mind so easily. So I went home, and like most children, I sought the aid of my father. After telling him about the disempowering events of the day, he gave me a warm, compassionate smile and told me:

"Think of a mouse instead."

Flash! Bang! Pop! All of a sudden the image of an elephant had been chased away by this tiny little field mouse. And from that moment on, the boy from down the street would have no control over my mind (at least not so directly).

How often do we fixate on the things we are trying to avoid? As I work with clients on achievement, it never ceases to amaze me how prevalent this is.

• I want to quit smoking.
• I don't want to eat sugary foods.
• I want to avoid drinking alcohol.

Unfortunately, when we trying to think of the things we are trying to avoid, our mind has to first think of engaging in the item. Neurological studies have shown that the brain has to activate the behavior in order to try to negate it. Unfortunately, each activation is reinforcing the negative behavior! Instead we should try to find constructive, healthy alternatives to the behavior that we are trying to avoid, and focus on that as a means of achieving the emotional fulfillment that the negative behavior was trying to satiate. Using the previous statements as examples, they could be reworded as these goals:

• I breathe only clean air deeply and calmingly into my lungs.
• I eat only healthy foods which nourish my body.
• I drink warm cups of tea in order to relax at the end of the day.

Of course if the emotional reasons for using the destructive substances was different, we could also write the affirmations differently to address those core needs. The point is we need to give our mind and activity it can engage in.

It is just like having a young child who wants to play with a forbidden object. When we take the object away from the child and tell him that he cannot play with it. What is the first thing that he does? He tries to get it and play with it again. No matter how many times we tell the child, "Do not play with that!" we are indeed commanding his mind to play with it. If we however give the child another object which he can play with, and give him permission to "Play with this." then his mind will switch over to the new object, and the struggle is over.

So, the next time you find yourself fixating on an unwanted behavior, just remember the solution is to:

Think of a mouse!

New Years Resolutions

Now that we are past the holidays, the year pulls to a close. For many this is a time for deep reflection. For some it is a time to tally their set-backs and successes. Most of us however take some time to look ahead to the New Year with a bit of optimism as we ponder what we would like to accomplish.

How resolute are you to accomplish your goals during the coming year. For most people, their New Years Resolutions are something that they would "like" or "hope" that they can accomplish. However, without the commitment and desire behind it, the goal becomes more of a "want" than a resolution. To be resolute about something is to be determined and unwavering. Imagine if our American Founding Fathers and Mothers had committed themselves to be merely "hopeful" for their Independence. Surely the task of starting a new, noble nation would have failed without a strong resolve. The nation had to be resolute in their desires and efforts in order to accomplish their revolution.

Isn't the American Revolution an overly dramatic example. After all, aren't we just trying to get a new job, lose weight, quit smoking, etc. Surely those goals aren't as significant as starting a new nation, are they? YES! They are every bit as significant! Indeed, most New Years Resolutions require even more resolve in order to accomplish, because they deal with addiction of some sort (whether cigarettes, food, relationships, acceptance....). Indeed every significant New Years Resolution requires a Revolution of the Mind and your thinking in order to accomplish. Otherwise, it wouldn't require a significant statement as a New Years Resolution. The Revolution of the Mind that is required is often deeper than people look. We must ask ourselves:

"What does ..... do for me? Why do I ....?"

Then we must find healthy, constructive activities which will provide whatever it was that leads us to engage in the unwanted behavior. Throughout nearly a decade of coaching, I have noticed that every unwanted behavior has multiple positive behaviors that will fill the same emotional/physical need. We just need to dig and find them. At first glance, it may appear that the positive behavior is harder, or takes more time than the unwanted behavior; however with a little practice, we often find that the positive behavior is actually more efficient than the unwanted behavior. For example, I was coaching someone who wanted to quit smoking. She admitted that while most of the time she smoked cigarettes out of habit, a bit of digging uncovered that she was smoking to relieve stress or anxiety. It was a source of relaxation. I was certain that even though she had to learn how to relax and reduce stress through mental/physical exercises, she would eventually find it more efficient than smoking. Ahhh, but smoking a cigarette only takes a few minutes, and the relief begins after a very short amount of time. However, if we add in the amount of time that it takes to buy the cigarettes, earn the money that is required to purchase the cigarettes, find a place where you can smoke, and the time you will spend sick or in the hospital as a result of smoking, then it really isn't that quick of a fix. I have found that after a very brief amount of time, relaxation techniques can allow people to cope with stressful situations within seconds - without any unhealthy side-effects. We should all be careful when we calculate how effective a tool is, that we include ALL of the costs of using that tool. We often discount the costs and inflate the benefits of addictive substances.

So while you are pondering what New Years Resolutions you want to accomplish, please feel inspired to GO BIG! Revolutionize your thinking by determining what will need to change in your thinking and your habits, and find healthy ways to enact that change. For more techniques on changing your thoughts and habits, sift through my blog for previous articles. And feel free to check out my website for products that are designed to revolutionize your thinking and habits: www.Mindful-Measures.com.

Have a Happy New Years!

Advanced Affirmation Techniques

Many of us have discovered the amazing benefits we receive when we use positive affirmations daily. The purpose of today's post is to give a few examples of things we can to do ramp up the effectiveness of the affirmations we use.

1. Make your affirmations command-based. - Instead of simply reciting a state of being you wish to exhibit, try telling your subconscious to be that way. In other words instead of using an affirmation such as "I am powerful and in control," try stating "I feel powerful and in control at all times." By using this tip, you give your subconscious a command that tells it what to do. Your subconscious can be effectively commanded...just ask any advertiser. I am amazed at how many affirmation videos and product on the market overlook this tool.

2. Make your affirmation commands present tense. - The only time you want to use any tense other than present-tense, is when it is part of an emotional state or conditioning you do not want to reinforce. Any statement which is present-tense tends to be reinforced within your subconscious mind. An example of a good affirmation which displays this technique is, "Whenever I'm feeling anxious, I breathe slowly and deeply for a few minutes." Notice how I am not instilling anxious feelings. I am however instilling the habit to breathe slowly and deeply with this affirmation.

3. Create infinite loops. - This tool I pilfered from computer programming. In computer coding, programmers get into trouble when they use infinite loops, as they cause the program or computer to get stuck, or crash. Essentually an infinite loop is a series of commands that lead to each other with no way out. So, if we place the following commands - if A then B; if B then C; if C then A - we can see how the computer would continue processing A-B-C-A-B-C-A-B-C... on and on. While this may be unfortunate in computer programming, it is great in programming our Self-Talk. For example, we could say, "I visualize my goals every morning. When I visualize my goals, I can take action to achieve my goals easily. Whenever I take action to achieve my goals, then I feel deeply confident with ease. When I feel deeply confident, then I visualize my goals vividly." You can see how once you enter into this loop, you would find yourself constantly feeling confident and thinking about your goals. Do you see how this could help you see opportunities to accomplish your goals that you might have otherwise overlooked? This was a simple chain of four commands. The can have as few as two and as many as you want- although I have found that limiting it to seven is the most effective. The affirmations that are part of the infinite loop chain do not have to be stated consecutively. You can also have multiple affirmations that lead into the loop, and they can enter the loop at various points (eg: A-->B, B-->D, C-->D, D-->A).

These are just a few of the advanced affirmation techniques that you will find on Mindful Measures. They are techniques that I have used with great effect for nearly a decade. I hope you find them useful.

-Josh
www.Mindful-Measures.com

The Truth Behind "The Secret"

It seems as though there are more and more people touting the value of the book and movie, The Secret. My first gut reaction after watching the movie, was that it seemed like merely an introduction to the Law of Attraction. Now I admit that I did not yet read the book, which is unusual for me, as I am more of a book-person. My opinion of the movie however was in accord with many people's opinion of the book. While The Secret seems to be a great tidbit for introducing the mainstream public to the concept of "The Law of Attraction," there are important pieces to the skills of achieving abundance that must also be taught.

Writings going back thousands of years speak to the ability to manifest through meditation. As we can see variations of meditation in every world religion. The most obvious is the meditations of the Buddhist or Yogic traditions. But we also see influences in the prayers and chanting of Hebrew, Christian, Muslim, and Hindu religions. Even the so-called "native" religious practices found throughout every continent include chanting and prayers. And we also see vestiges of this ancient practice in the "New-Age" practice of reciting Affirmations. So what is the power that these meditative practices invoke?

Ancient writings speak of the ability to manifest by creating on "higher planes." I would need to create an entirely new blog line in order to expound properly on this topic, and even then would be found ineffectual. But let me say here that manifestation on the mental and astral planes can have tremendous effects for us, even on the physical plane. However, as I wish to address those who are new to the "Law of Attraction," that is to say those who found The Secret to be brilliant and revolutionary, I will address the issue from a more physical plane level.

If you are like most people, you need practical information and tools. Meats and potatoes. Something calls to you to accept what The Secret speaks of, but how do we make it work? Well, here is how...

An essential part of the "Law of Attraction" is the effect that it has on a person to bring oneself into accord with what they want to accomplish. I know that if I want to attract healthy relationships, then I need to be willing to open up and relate with others. The "Law of Attraction" also rests upon your ability to focus your intention. By causing you to think about a goal you want to accomplish, you will begin to recognize opportunities and take action towards achieving your goal. That portion is more accurately referred to as the "Law of Focus" and the "Law of Action."

This has dramatic implications on what we do to harness the "Law of Attraction." When you pray, meditate, or recite affirmations you must be very mindful to what you are focusing on. You should be careful to focus on what you want, rather than what you don't. If one focuses on what they do not want, they create that. In the least, they recognize whenever if appears in their life. Often times however, people go further and project what they do not want onto situations where it never even existed. It would be far better to focus on what you do want. That way you recognize the abundance in your life. And if we are going to project something that isn't there, is it not better to project something positive?